Sunday, 21 June 2015

Five Lessons in Five Minutes Management Course

I read these write-ups somewhere, though it sounds funny there are real lessons we all can learn and practice. Invite you to read, enjoy these lessons and share your views in comments.

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.' After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'

'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.

'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.' 'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' Puff! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.' Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 3:

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'

The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.' So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.

All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 4:

A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'

'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:

Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson 5:

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Moral of the story:

Not everyone who shit on you is your enemy, not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend and when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

Thus ends the five lessons in five minutes management course...

25 comments:

Jo said...

I'd heard these before, but it is so very true. Definitely lessons for daily living.

eileeninmd said...

Hello, these are great lessons. I have a few laughs too. Thanks for sharing, have a happy new week ahead!

Jim and Sandie said...

Great lessons!!! Too bad most of us don't remember them.

JoJo said...

Great anecdotes! They made me chuckle.

Julia said...

Definitely worth sharing... I had a good laugh at the same time. Moral of the story, learning can be fun.
Thanks.
JB

Elephant's Child said...

Big smiles. Thank you.

whiteangel said...

Priceless, just priceless..

Dee said...

Although they were all funny, there were definitely lessons to be learned in each of them. Have a wonderful day... :)

TexWisGirl said...

some i've read before but good to laugh again. i like #3.

Cro Magnon said...

Lessons we should all take note of, especially the Bull and Turkey tale.

Nora @ Teacup Tales said...

These lessons are good reminders especially when we've been at a job for a long time. Lesson #3 is great!

bj said...

hahhaa...these are so funny...I laughed out loud at the first one. May I use it?

Barbara In Caneyhead said...

Enjoyed very much your humorous teaching strategy!
Life & Faith in Caneyhead.

Jo-Anne's Ramblings said...

Yeah great lessons indeed

Aunt Mary said...

Those are some very good lessons, I enjoyed reading :)

Mo said...

Fun lessons

Inger said...

Lessons presented in such a way that even the dumbest student (or an old lady like me) will remember them. Great stuff!

Tamago said...

Good lessons. I like the second lesson very much!

DeniseinVA said...

Five great lessons and a few good chuckles. Thanks :)

klahanie said...

Hi John Paul,

Yes, finally, I have arrived with one of my um, highly cherished comments :)

Yes, I can just about manage and maybe learn the lessons. Somebody once suggested I go on an "Anger Management course". I thought that would not be a great idea. Why would I want to "anger management"? Aha and it's all in the tonal inflection :)

Have a good one,

Gary

Lux G. said...

One post, 5 great stories with 5 wonderful lessons. More than I asked for. Big thanks!!!

Rue said...

Great lessons. Thank you for your visit :)

J Phill said...

What a strange place. lizard people?

Theresa Mahoney said...

All lessons we should use in our daily lives as well as at work!

Texan said...

ROFL ... some truth in all those LOL

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